You’re the victim.

I am no mere victim in my own life.

I have been harmed and in being harmed I have harmed others.

I’ve shouted.  I’ve lied.  I’ve hit.  I’ve hated and hissed venom.

I’ve wished for and said the most awful things to those closest to me.

And often I’ve felt nothing but justified.

Remorse is hard.  It’s a thing I have to work on.

I’ve never really seen it.  I know people apologise.  I know it’s an integral part of any relationship.  But the words often sit like a lead weight in my throat.

I’d rather drive my car into a lake.

Is that a fear of being vulnerable?

Or is it really that deep down/right below the surface, I’m a despicable, self centred ego maniac, just attempting to be human?

I’m trying to fit in.  I want to be the good person other people see I am.

But maybe I’m a wolf in sheeps clothing.  Maybe that’s all I’ll ever be.